So here I am. I’m halfway through my chemo treatments. My doctors scheduled me for eight rounds of chemotherapy and I’ve completed four. The first four rounds were rough, which my doctor verbally prepared me for but nothing could’ve prepared me for the side effects.
The side effects, both mental and physical are a lot. Okay, lets start with the physical part. Most people are aware that you will lose your hair, which I did but what you don’t know is that your skin gets dry and changes colors. Also, my nail beds turned black my hands darken, and my tough has the ugliest black spots on it. It feels like every week there’s something new. Just today I looked at my legs and saw bruises on them with knots underneath. Oh and lets not forget the nausea the headaches from hell and lack of appetite.
The mental part of dealing with anything is very important. Cancer will push you somewhere mentally that will drain everything in you. When I first found out I had cancer, my honey grabbed my hand and reassured me we would get through it. I looked at him and said I wanted to deal with this head on. Well baby I think I had a meltdown at least once a week since then. There have been days I’ve just laid in bed and not because I was sick. I was just mentally drained, tired of being sick and tired. The amount of anxiety you get the closer you get to treatment day is to much. I literally get nauseated every time I walk to the threshold of that treatment room. Therapy has been a key factor to me handling this in a healthy way. I’m going to be honest, the woman has made her coin dealing with me…..LOL
I’m so happy to be at this point in my treatment. I’m not done yet and I have a few other steps to make before I’ll officially kick cancer ass but I’m super proud of myself. If anyone that’s reading this is dealing with cancer or any kind of ailment. Remember it’s okay to not be okay. Feel those feelings and move on so that you can fight another day. Please be kind to yourself. Peace and love always.