Good Day people. Happy Sunday to you all. It’s been a minute since I’ve written anything. You would think with all this free time that I’ve had because of covid19 I would’ve been writing my happy little heart away. For me, when I became overwhelmed or consumed with to many thoughts or emotion. I usually stop in my tracks. Almost paralyzing me. In most cases I just need quiet time to processes what’s going on, so for weeks I had nothing.
Most of you know that I’m battling breast cancer. In March, the week before the majority of the country went on lockdown I had breast surgery and a axillary lymph node dissection.
The day of the shutdown I had an appointment to get my drainage tubes removed. Once I walked into the surgeons office his staff wouldn’t let me anywhere near them and they were canceling appointments left and right. At that point I’m thinking is it that serious. Once I became aware that this virus has the potential to kill you fast and people with compromised immune systems are even more at risk I started to panic. After my surgery I had other follow-up appointments that were being canceled because of covid. I was in limbo.
During my surgery I found out that my cancer was still there and that I needed to have radiation treatments 5 days a week for 7 weeks. I was also informed that I would need to go back on chemo. I was devastated! It was like a kick in the stomach to hear those words. I had set in my head that I was almost to the finish line. Then to be told that I have to go back to the hardest part of my treatment was all to much. I was angry! Honestly, I wanted to tear some shit up. I had to once again pull some strength from somewhere to prepare myself for this.
Coming to terms with the fact I have to continue this fight a little while longer wasn’t easy. Now I have to be more careful because of covid19. To see the world in such a state is unsettling. Most of us have never experienced anything like this ever. To see so many people losing their lives is incredibly sad and hard to process but when you have a illness such as mine you’re extra sensitive to the world and what’s going on around you. It weighs on you heavily. You’re listening to people debate about where the virus came from, whose at fault and if it’s even real. You watch people as they complain about being home and not being able to get their hair done, nails done or go to their favorite restaurant. To see people actually fighting about these minute things is insane to me. Although I have a number of questions about how our leaders handled the situation or what they know and when they knew it. All I can really I think about is fighting for my life.
As I stated before I go to radiation therapy 5 days a week. I have to get theses treatments to save my life but going outside could literally kill me. Cancer treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation strips your body of everything good and bad. Your immune system is at its weakest state. Almost like a baby. I have to do all that I can to protect myself.
I look at the images and videos on the news of people being reckless going to parties, beaches and protest not thinking about how their actions could have an affect on another persons life. To hear people speak about grey hair roots and about the economy over human life is asinine and evil. The numbers of deaths because of covid aren’t just numbers these are human lives. People who have families. They mean something to somebody somewhere.
Covid is everywhere. You can’t escape it. It’s on the news, it’s on social media, commercials just everywhere. It has completely changed our lives. It’s disheartening to see people say “fuck it” and do reckless selfish things. What is asymptomatic for you could kill me or most importantly a person close to you. Do what you can to stop the spread not add to the devastation. STAY THE FUCK HOME!