This Little Light of Mine

This is what you see!!!
This is what I see!!!

I turned over and I immediately screamed from the pain. I was burning bad. I looked down and realized my skins was rubbed off. I sit up to grab water and I literally could feel my skin pulling apart. The first thing I thought was they said this shit was easier than chemotherapy. Let’s just say they lied. I get up to grab the bottle of Tylenol with codeine to ease the pain so I can get my day started. After about twenty minutes the pain subside barely but enough to get out of bed to grab coffee. By time I finish my coffee I’m sick to the stomach. I take zofran to ease the nausea. After a meeting with the porcelain god, I jump in the shower and awkwardly stand because water directly on my skin is enough to make me faint. I clean my wound, get out and dry off. I stand in the mirror and look at what I’ve physically became. My once beautiful butter pecan skin is now scarred from the port placed in my chest and now from the effects of the radiation. I look at myself and think look at you girl. I looked like a monster. I’m cut up, burnt up, bald just a monster. As tears role down my face I grab the jar of burn cream and smear it all over my breast and under my arm to help protect my skin. I pulled myself together and walk out of the bathroom. I got dressed walked into my sons room and became his mother and teacher. I asked him was he ready for breakfast with a smile. A smile that on this morning I had to force. I’m mentally and physically pushing myself. This is a daily fight. I Cry, pull it together and go out smiling. Some days are great while other days I fail miserably. I feel like I’m a strong person but dammit I don’t like to prove it all the time. I’m saying all this to say. Don’t be fooled by your friends and family. The strong ones. Don’t assume they’re okay. Don’t allow yourself to be in a persons life and tell them how you love and care about them but never even know they’re struggling. Step out of yourself and be a light to someone else. We’re all out here trying to keep our heads on straight. We all need a little extra support right now especially with covid. People’s lives have been flipped upside down. We’re all human and have human emotion. Close your eyes and think of a time where you struggled and what you needed during that time or wish you had? Well go be that to someone else. Spread love and light. I love yawl ✌🏽&💜